Discover a hilarious collection of funny Confucius quotes that will tickle your funny bone and give you a dose of wisdom with a twist.
INTRODUCTION
He was a great Chinese philosopher. He was known for deep wisdom and timeless teachings. Imagine we give his quotes a funny twist. Here’s the collection of humorous Confucius quotes with wit mixed with wisdom.
Table of Contents
Humorous Confucius Quotes on Life

“Man who run in front of car get tired, but man who run behind car get exhausted.”
“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
“Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”
“Wise man once said nothing because wife was watching.”
“Man who sits on tack gets point in the end.”
“Before speaking critically of a person, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes too.”
“Man who jumps from the cliff jumps to his conclusions.”
“Man who engages with wife the whole day is asleep at night”
“Man eating a fortune cookie gets wrapper into his mouth.””When life offers you lemons, turn them down, find him having vodka.”
LOL-Confucius Quotes about Love

“Man who marry girl with high temper, live in hot water.”
“Man who goes to bed with itchy heart wakes up with scratched feelings.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.”
“Man who loves deeply doesn’t check bank balance.”
“Man who flirts in elevator is wrong on many levels.”
“Man who marries smart woman saves money on dictionary.”
“Man who hugs girlfriend gets warm embrace, but man who hugs wife gets cold shoulder.”
“Man who looks for perfect wife dies single.”
“The man who argues with the wife is a brave but foolish man“
“The man who says ‘yes dear’ lives longer.”
Funny Confucius Quotes on Work and Success

“Man who works like machine should expect oil change often.”
“Man who sleeps at work soon dreams of unemployment.”
“Success is like pregnancy; everyone congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you got screwed.”
“Man who speaks without thinking is better off working alone.”
“Man who signs checks with empty account learns art of running.”
“Man who thinks office gossip is harmless ends up in HR.”
“Man who procrastinates works overtime tomorrow.”
“Man who refuses promotion gets lifetime supply of peace.”
“Man who is irreplaceable should expect no vacation.”
“Man who sleeps on job wakes up unemployed.”
Funny Confucius Quotes on Friends and Relationships

“Man who keeps secrets with friends may find them in the group chat.”
“Man who borrows money from friend better write it off as a donation.”
“Friend who always agrees is either a liar or a fool.”
“Man who has too many friends also has too many problems.”
“Man who doesn’t share snacks with friends, eats alone forever.”
“Friend who never picks up calls may only pick up when they need help.”
“Man who trusts everyone ends up with an empty wallet.”
“Man who shares Netflix password with friend may lose control of recommendations.”
“True friend is someone who knows your Wi-Fi password but doesn’t share it.”
“Man who avoids gossip with friends lives with fewer headaches.”
Funny Confucius Quotes on Daily Life and Common Sense

“Man who stares at phone all day gets sore neck and empty soul.”
“Man who skips breakfast ends up eating regrets for lunch.”
“Man who keeps snoozing alarm eventually runs out of time.”
“Man who shops without a list returns home with everything but essentials.”
“Man who trusts GPS too much may end up in river.”
“Man who saves receipts for every meal has no room for photos in wallet.”
“Man who buys cheap shoes walks in regret.”
“Man who argues with weather forecast should carry umbrella anyway.”
“Man who starts workout on Monday often ends by Wednesday.”
“Man who watches cooking shows but orders takeout is the ultimate foodie.”